Choices
by jewel21
Summary: Follows directly after the episode, "Old Dogs, New Tricks." Bosco's thoughts on the arrest of his brother and the events that ultimately led up to it.


Disclaimer: I own nothing. The characters belong to John Wells, Edward Allen Bernero, NBC and a bunch of other people I don't know.   
  
  
  
Choices: by Jewel21   
  
  
  
There are moments in our lives that determine who we're going to be. Sometimes they're subtle moments and sometimes, like in Mikey and my case, they're not so subtle. You see circumstances are what shape us and determine who we are. And, with every circumstance, there are choices and decisions to be made. Take Mikey and me for example. We grew up together our whole lives. We've both been through similar experiences and we've both been faced with the same problems that have plagued our family for years. But, we've both made different choices, and as a result, those choices led us on different paths.   
  
  
My father used to beat my mom when we were younger. It wasn't like he would do it every single day but it happened often enough. Too often in my opinion. Growing up in an environment that was destructive like ours was bound to affect us one way or another. You can't live in an environment like that and come out unscathed and normal. Normal, ha! That word makes me laugh. Define normal? Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that our childhood ultimately affected us. It determined who we grew up to be. Now, whether we grew up to be bad or good depended on the choices we made and the lessons we learned along the way. Seeing my dad beating my mother made me the man you see today. When I was a kid and I used to see my dad hurting my mom I had to make him stop. I couldn't stand to watch him. I didn't care if I got hurt in the process. I had to protect her. I knew as I got older that I wanted to help people. I wanted to be the one people came to when they were in trouble. That's why I became a cop. And a damn good cop too if I say so myself. Sure, I can be a jerk sometimes and Faith like to complain that I'm insensitive but who cares? None of that is important because when you get down to it I'm a good cop. I help the innocent and make sure that the perps end up behind bars. I always try to help. Always.   
  
  
Mikey on the other hand is different. Both of us grew up in the same environment but Mikey chose the "other" path. When he used to see my dad hitting my mom, his first instinct wasn't to jump in and make him stop, to help her. No, his first instinct was to run, to escape. He just didn't want to witness it because he couldn't handle it. So how did Mikey deal? Well, he escaped of course. The only way he knew how. He started taking drugs. First it was just pot. Something to numb him on the inside so that he wouldn't feel the pain that was tearing him up inside, the pain that was slowly driving him insane. Soon though, pot wasn't strong enough and he eventually got hooked on cocaine. That's his way of dealing. My mom's way of dealing is by drinking. That's her way of coping.   
  
  
See everyone reacts to something differently. These are the moments I was telling you about earlier, the ones that affect us as human beings and determine who we're going to be later on in life. Well I chose to be a cop. To live by the law and not against it. That's why when I found out that Mikey was running dope tonight I arrested him. What was I supposed to do? Let him go? I couldn't do that because that's not who I am. The other reason why I arrested Mikey is because I'm hoping that maybe, just maybe him being behind bars is what's going to sober him up. To finally set him on the right path. I love Mikey he's my baby brother. I tried to protect him as much as I could growing up but I can't protect him any more. If I had let him go I would just be helping him to ruin his life. I can't just stand by and watch him flounder anymore. That's why I turned him in. When Ma found out tonight I don't think I had ever seen her that pissed at me, and that's saying a lot. She screamed at me and asked me how could I arrest my own brother, her son. And I asked her how could I not try and help. To just stand by and watch him go on screwing up his life until he got hurt or killed because, if he continues on the way he has, that's exactly what's going to happen to him. She yelled at me some more and started crying. She begged me to release him, to let him go, but I told her that I couldn't. It's too late. She told me that she had never been more disappointed in me in her entire life. That hurt. That hurt more than anything I had experienced in my life and trust me, I've experienced a lot of hurt. The thing that hurts me the most is that she was always forgiving my father after all the horrible things he did to her. No matter what crap he pulled on her she always forgave him. Same thing with Mikey. All the bullshit that man has put us through, all the pain and suffering and they just forgive him. Mikey does a line and all of a sudden all the fucking pain is gone. Puts on his rose-colored sunglasses and all of a sudden everything's just peachy. I seem to be the only one who's not fucking disillusioned. I'm the only one who does the right thing and I'm always being punished for it. They always forgave him. They always made excuses for his behavior. It wasn't his fault. He was unhappy, he was tired. He had a bad day at work. 'I shouldn't have pushed him. You know what you're father's like. If I hadn't pushed the issue none of this would have happened.' What ever happened to fucking choices? He had a choice. He could have chosen not to hit us. He could have chosen to leave. To take a drive and blow off some steam. But he never chose that option. He would only take off after he was done beating us.  
  
  
All my life I've tried to make the right decisions. I could have followed Mikey's path but I didn't. I went to school; chose good friends growing up, graduated, joined the Rangers and then the Academy and became a cop. Today, when I saw Mikey I was faced with two options. To let him go or take him in. I know I made the right choice by arresting him. So the question is why can't anyone else see that? Why are they trying to make me feel as though what I did was wrong? What my dad did, what Mikey did, that was wrong. I don't know what's going to happen now and even though the thought that my whole family hates me scares me I refuse to feel guilty about what I did because I was right. I am right. So why does everyone keep making me feel like I made a mistake?  
  
  
  
End 


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